New blog!

In honor of our wedding being officially less than 8 weeks away(!) we're now blogging at:

http://jergyjournal.blogspot.com/

We'd love for you to stop by!

Xo,
Janessa & Nathan
(ok let's be real...just Janessa)

Being a gracious receiver

Cara & I went to the First Presidency Christmas Devotional tonight - thanks to Mere for tickets! I love going to events at Temple Square, especially at Christmas. Only I haven't been feeling very Christmas-y this year. There's just so much going on...full time job that's pretty stressful...long-distance engagement...long-distance wedding planning...moving to another state in less than a month, right after the holidays...oh and let's not forget the minor detail of Christmas shopping. Which I haven't started yet.

People keep offering to help and not only do I not really know what they can do to help (plan next year's promotions? book the caterer? pack up my apartment over Christmas?) I have an incredibly hard time accepting the offers. I think it's a pride thing. I need to prove that I can do it myself. Most people outgrow that around kindergarten but apparently, being an overachiever and all, I skipped that step.

So with that in mind, I was surprised when President Uchtdorf's talk tonight focused on being a gracious receiver. Clearly that talk was for me! I struggle accepting anything from anyone (ask Nathan how it went that time he tried to help me buy new tires...) but as I listened I got a big dose of humility and realized I need to learn how to accept help. I can't do it all on my own. Isn't that the point of the atonement? And while I think I'm ok accepting help from Christ (let's hope so!) I need to learn to accept it from others who love me as well. Maybe they won't do things exactly as I would. Maybe they'll even do it wrong. But the point is they love me enough to help, and I should love them enough to say "thank you,' instead of "you're doing it wrong."

So that's my (early) New Year's resolution: become a gracious receiver. Maybe that'll ease some of the stress in my life!

Save the Date Round II

I love Utah in the fall.

Save the Date!

Cara and the Cricut made the sign. Aly & Spencer took the photos. 

He & I pretty much just stood there and looked pretty.

Being "that girl"

I never thought I'd be "that girl": the one who misses someone like crazy, wakes up excited to see them then realizes they're in a different state, wants to go home after a long day at work and just be with them, feels like a piece of her is missing when they're gone. I'm pretty good at being independent. It's gotten me pretty far in life. But I'm finally willing to admit that independence is overrated. I'm trading it in for something much better.

At Bridalveil Falls on Labor Day

A story about rocks, or our engagement story

Last weekend my cousin Taylor got married. I invited Nathan to come to the wedding, since he hadn't met any of my relatives beyond my immediate family and what better chance than a wedding? He arrived later than planned so we didn't get much time at the reception, but I got to introduce him to most of my mom's relatives, plus my dad's sister and her family.

The next morning we drove to downtown LA to visit Eli, our family friend who also happens to be a jewelry designer, and design my ring. I'm a little in love with it - Nathan got it in the mail today and just showed me over Skype, and I seriously wish I had it now. Anyway. The point of telling you this is, I knew when we bought the ring Saturday morning that Nathan wouldn't get it until about a week later. Therefore, Nathan wouldn't be able to propose until we saw each other again, which won't happen until Labor Day weekend.

Later that day Cara, Nathan and I drove down to Newport Beach to meet up with his cousin Craig. In my mind we were just going to hang out at the beach and get dinner at some point, which is why I got confused and a little annoyed that Craig kept saying the beach was too crowded. I was thinking, dude, it's a Saturday night in the summer. It's gonna be crowded! Why do you need it to be all private and secluded anyway? Little did I know...

We finally stopped at The Montage in South Laguna. This hotel is beyond gorgeous, and the best part is its beachfront property was downright abandoned compared to the other beaches we'd passed. Cara and Craig said they wanted to walk back up the cliffs so Nathan and I started walking along the water by ourselves. We wandered over to the rocky tide pool area, where the tide was starting to come in over the rocks. At this point I was struggling to keep up with him, because in case you've never tried it, walking over rocky tide pools seriously hurts your feet! Somehow a dad and his little daughter got in between us, putting me even further behind. I was getting a little annoyed that he'd just plowed ahead without waiting for me, plus, my feet hurt. So I was just happy to finally catch up to him.

We stood on the rock watching the waves, just chatting and kissing, and I was wondering why he wouldn't hold my hand. I suggested we sit down because maybe our feet wouldn't hurt so badly that way, so he sat and said I should keep standing. Now he decided it was ok to hold my hand - finally!

He asked me, "How much do you love me?"
I said, "Enough to follow you over these stupid sharp rocks that hurt my feet." Because, they did. Hurt, that is.
He said, "Ouch. That's pretty weak. Is that the best you can do?"
Realizing he was serious, I said, "Enough to follow you to Arizona (where he is a dental student), then to wherever you do your residency, and wherever you decide to open a practice."
He asked, "Do you love me enough to marry me?"
I said, "Absolutely!" Because I'm thinking, we just bought a ring, and that's kind of the point.
Then he asked, "Will you?"
At this point he started sliding a ring on my finger, and I was taken completely off guard (someone please tell me how I did not see this coming!)
I asked, "Seriously? This is really happening?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "But that's not my ring!"
At this point I'm both laughing and crying, and he was laughing too as he said, "I know. That's not really the point right now, is it?"
And I decided he was right, and let him put the Walmart ring on my finger, and kissed my new fiance. Because that's what you do in these situations.

Cuffed up jeans because the tide was coming in

A few minutes later we got a text from Cara asking if we were done yet. Apparently she and Craig were taking pictures of us from the cliffs! They met us down at the beach and we took some more pictures before going to In-N-Out for dinner (in case you think we're being cheap with the dinner choice, In-N-Out was were we went on our "second first date" back at the beginning of February. So, it was actually really romantic and sweet. Plus, I love their shakes. And we were all too hungry to wait for "real food".)

So that's the story! I love that we got to pick out my ring together but he was still able to surprise me, and I'm so glad Cara got pictures of the actual proposal as well as some up-close shots right after. Also, I love that we ended up at The Montage and I'm pretty sure that engagement pictures are going to happen there at some point. And it's my new favorite beach.

Timing

I've been thinking a lot about timing lately, what with getting engaged and all(!) Nathan and I first started dating nearly 3 years ago (more on that in a separate post) and I could tell from the start that something was different about this relationship. When it ended, I couldn't understand how my instincts had been so wrong. Now I understand that my instincts weren't wrong. The timing was wrong. And in the meantime, in addition to some much-needed time for both of us to grow up, I've had some of the most incredible life experiences:

*Traveling to China, Hong Kong, Turkey and Greece
*Graduating with an MBA
*Working for Clorox and GE Healthcare
*Meeting friends who are more like sisters
*Learning what it means to forgive, to heal, to accept grace, to more fully access the atonement
*Going to the temple, for me, to build a better relationship with my Heavenly Father

I'm so excited to start my life with Nathan, and so incredibly happy that things finally worked out for us. But at the same time I'm also so grateful for the delay in getting to this point, because of the amazing life experiences I got to have in between. It's like Heavenly Father was telling me all along, be patient, be happy, enjoy the life you get to live for now, and you'll get everything you've always wanted, in good time. And I did.

PS-engagement story coming soon!

What happens in Vegas

What? It was his idea...

Just kidding! Here's what really happened:

M&M land, because what else are Mormons supposed to do on the strip?

Showing off our "instruments" at Recycled Percussion - such a fun show!

Finished up with delicious dessert at Sugar Factory

Thanks for hanging out with us, Adam & Meghan!

World Travels: Mediterranean Edition

I spent 10 days in some of the most beautiful cities in the world, reunited with my best friends from b-school and making some new friends along the way. I promise not to overload the blog with pictures, but here are a few of my favorites:

Santorini - what I imagined Greece would look like 

Library of Ephesus - gorgeous facade behind us 

Olympians at the original Olympic stadium in Athens 

Showing our muscles at the Hercules Gate in Ephesus 

Doorway to the Sultan's Palace in Istanbul 

Making wishes at the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul 

Playing in the amazing water at Kine Beach in Syros 

Checking out the Parthenon in Athens

The God I Know

I had the most amazing time exploring Greece and Turkey with a few of my favorite people last month, and what made the beautiful sights, sounds & tastes even better was learning about the history behind them. We toured Istanbul, Ephesus, Patmos, Syros, Rhodes, Crete, Santorini and Athens. The last night of the trip, in Athens, I didn't get much sleep and decided to watch the sunrise from our hotel's rooftop, with a perfect view of the Parthenon. I brought my scriptures to the roof to reread the Apostle Paul's sermon on The Unknown God, given at Mar's Hill - which I could see perfectly in front of me.

I love this sermon! Here's some context: Mars Hill, or Areopagus, is where the first democratic senate government met to discuss and vote on important issues. They also liked to discuss philosophical issues, like new religions. Mars Hill was peppered with shrines to a variety of gods, including one altar to The Unknown God. Paul took this altar as an opportunity to teach the Athenians about the true God, their Heavenly Father, and to teach them that through Jesus Christ, God is very approachable for all of us. Here's what I wrote in my journal that (very early) morning in Athens:

Jesus Christ is Heavenly Father's way of making Himself known unto us. Because Jesus always did Heavenly Father's will, we know what God would do. Because Jesus was created in the image of God, with a body of flesh and bone, we know Heavenly Father has a body like ours. Jesus showed in the gift of the atonement the incomprehensible depth of His, and His Father's, love for us. So to say that God is unknown or unknowable is a lie, because God showed us who He is in Jesus Christ.

Jesus is also the way we can come to know God, because the atonement allows us to return to God's presence, to receive sacred temple ordinances and eventually become like God. Jesus is our intercessor before God - we pray to the Father in the name of Jesus Christ, and He pleads with the Father on our behalf.

No one will force you to know God - you must take the first steps. But the scriptures promise that as you seek Him diligently, you will find Him. he is not an abstract, unknowable mystery. He is your Father and He loves you and knows you perfectly. He wants you to know Him and gives you ample opportunity to know Him, if you choose to act on it.

I'm grateful for a God that is both knowable and near - and a gorgeous morning in Athens!

Time to be still

My life is busy, and crowded, and loud. That's not necessarily a bad thing. I love the people in it. I love (usually) the job that takes up the vast majority of my week. I love my calling at church. But in recent months the amount of me time, of time to simply be still and ponder, has been seriously lacking. That's what made today so special.

I'm in Rochester, NY, visiting a customer site to interview radiology technicians about our newest medical device. It's fun to be a journalist again. It's even more fun to scrub into a surgery and watch a resident and a fellow take a shattered ankle, insert a handful of screws, bolts and rods, and realign the fragments of bone. It's even more fun to take "pictures" (fluoro, or x-rays) as the surgeons work, to confirm that they've properly aligned everything.

But the best part of today was leaving the hospital and driving 30 miles east to a tiny town called Palmyra. I hiked the Hill Cumorah. I toured the Joseph Smith Family Farm. I spent more than an hour exploring the Sacred Grove. And I went to a session in the Palmyra temple. In the silence of those moments, with only the sounds of birds, frogs, the breeze and my own footsteps and breath, I could feel the peace and love that have eluded me recently. I finally had a chance to be still. And when I am still, I know.

I know that God lives and that He is my Father. He knows my name. He knows the details of my life. He knows I'm not perfect, but He loves me anyway. I know that He and His Son appeared in that quiet grove of trees - and may I say, He picked a lovely spot for it, all green and mossy and alive with the rebirth of early spring. I know that Joseph Smith saw what he said he saw - God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. It's not like I doubted before. But something about today and the stillness and solitude of my walks in the woods reminded me of how certain I am that it is true. And you know what? I'm glad for the reminder. Because tomorrow I go back to that busy, crowded, loud life, and I get to take today's walks and thoughts with me.

3 month countdown

To this

And this

And this

Guys, I'm kinda excited. I seriously need a vacation and I think cruising to Turkey and Greece with a few of my favorite MBA ladies is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Let them eat cake

One of my favorite people here in Sandy asked if I would make the cakes for her mom's surprise birthday party. I love baking. I love projects and planning and getting inspiration from Pinterest (see here and here and here). Also, I love Ashley, and I love her mom, Ann, who is pretty much my Utah mom and the sweetest thing ever. So of course I said yes.

Enter the marathon baking weekend that included 24 eggs, 6 lbs. powdered sugar, 3 lbs. butter, 1/2 cup vanilla, 10 lbs. gourmet fillings from the best bakery supply store in Orange County, and 6 Duncan Hines white cake mixes (what? I had to cut corners somewhere). I now understand why wedding cakes are so expensive. But I think it turned out pretty well, don't you? (phone photo quality aside of course)

Happy Birthday Ann!

PS-this may be the best buttercream recipe ever. And it pipes beautifully. This from the girl who hates the taste of Wilton's buttercream but always uses it because it's prettiest. I'm officially converted. You're welcome. Source: here.

Simple Vanilla Buttercream
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter at room temp (I left mine out overnight)
3 cups sifted powdered sugar
1/8 tsp salt
1 tbsp vanilla
2 tablespoons milk or cream

Whip butter until smooth (2-3 minutes). Lower speed of mixer and add powdered sugar. Once it's smooth, return to medium and mix in salt and vanilla. Once it's smooth, mix in cream. Whip another 3-5 minutes and it'll be fluffy and gorgeous and yummy as all get-out.

Blessed

It's been quite the year, hasn't it? The phrase "count your many blessings" sounds trite, especially today, but it's something I need to do more often. I spent most of sacrament meeting last week filling four pages of my journal with just a few of them - the gospel, the atonement, second chances, the temple, a relationship with a Heavenly Father who I know loves me, my wonderful family, friends new and old, relationships that come out of nowhere, my job, my degrees and the challenges they gave me, opportunities to serve others, living in this beautiful country, my new car, delicious food, a beautiful apartment including a new, warm, soft bed - I look at my life and can't believe I am so blessed. No, it is not perfect. I have days when I come home from the office and want to crawl into bed and hide from the world. I have days when I see blogs or Facebook posts from my friends and wish I had their lives. But you know what? I would not trade mine for anything. Heavenly Father has tailored it precisely to me and what I need to grow into a better woman. I am so grateful for my life and everything - and everyone - in it. I'm sure you are, too.

Happy Thanksgiving friends! I hope you get to spend it with the people you love most. I'm spending it with this lovely bunch in my parents' beautifully remodeled home in CA. Did I mention I LOVE this state?

Xo, JanessaRose

Sometimes brunettes have blonde moments

So my company has these national all field teleconferences once a month (at 7am, ugh) and since my boss is on a cruise I got to be the sole marketing presenter. Usually he and I present together, so it was a big deal for me to be on my own with the entire national team. I made sure my slides had all the required marketing mojo (Dr. Glenn would be proud!) and also dolled up my boss's old slide that tracks progress on our national fitness challenge (because let's be honest, what he'd made before was pretty boring).

Well, I presented the work-related slides without a hitch and got some great feedback on the promos and programs I've been working on. Then I clicked over to the fitness challenge slide, to highlight the top three teams. Ummm. Apparently my pretty formatting didn't transfer into the PDF and the team names had disappeared! Everyone was cracking up as I opened the original file (which I swear took 10 minutes to open) and finally read off the top three teams. The SVP thanked me for keeping them all in suspense. You're welcome. I totally meant to do that! (not)

Ten Years Later

I don't think any of us will forget what we were doing when we realized that a plane had hit a tower and it wasn't a horrible accident. I was driving to seminary, listening to a pair of DJ's who never take anything seriously and assumed the reports were another of their jokes - a sick joke, but how could that be real? Then reports came of a second plane, and I realized not even Kevin and Bean were that irreverent. My seminar teacher tuned the TV to CNN and we watched the chaos unravel first in New York, then in DC. I watched a tower fall. I saw a plane downed in a field, heard the passengers took the plane down themselves to prevent a fourth attack. It looked like a movie, not real life. And that was from 3000 miles away. I can't imagine the trauma up close.

Five years later I was in New York for a journalism conference. My friend Stephanie and I won a contest to ride along with the NYPD for a night. The officers we rode with offered to take us anywhere in the city. Steph suggested Ground Zero. One of them went ghost-white and said, "Anywhere but that." His partner explained that he'd been there that day. Their unit had been called in to get stranded people out of the elevators in Tower 1. They hadn't succeeded, had barely escaped with their own lives as it crumbled around them. Tears filled his eyes at the memory, the guilt, of saving his own life and leaving others to die. To this day he won't get in elevators.

Ten years later I wonder if we've changed. Oh sure, for the first while we came together as a country, flew our flag from every corner, clung to our God and pledged to be better. But how quickly that unity dissipated into the usual pettiness, bickering, even hatred not only for our enemies but also for each other, for anyone who thinks differently than we think. For all the daily reminders of that September morning - taking off shoes to walk through airport security, dumping out water bottles at any public event, wars half a world away - we have already forgotten the one benefit from it all: the simple truth that when we come together and turn our hearts to God, healing will come. The way we look at others, the mistrust of darker skin, the fear of certain accents, the hatred of other faiths, is not going to restore the innocence and security lost ten years ago. Those of us who lived through it will never forget what we saw. But we can choose how we react and where we turn for peace.

Temple Tuesday

Early morning initiatory trip with my new favorite ladies at the Salt Lake Temple, made complete when a sweet little old lady asked us to help her with a big stack of family names. Best way to start the day!

Changes

It's official: I accepted a job offer! Where, you may ask? I'll give you a few hints:

1. It's #6 on the current Fortune 500, just behind Walmart, the oil companies and Fannie Mae

2. Thomas Edison started it in 1890

3. It includes business units of energy, aviation, finance, appliances, transportation and my division, healthcare

Ok, so if you haven't guessed, I'm going to be working for GE Healthcare OEC in Salt Lake City, Utah. This division makes x-ray machines used in orthopedic surgeries, allowing incision sites to be significantly smaller, leading to shorter recovery times, lower infection rates, and vastly improved quality of life.

I really hadn't planned on staying in Utah beyond the eight - 8!! - years I have been here for school, but I think Salt Lake City will be a nice change of pace from Provo. And I have to admit, especially with all the rain we got this year, I live in a beautiful state! I'm mostly just cranky that now I have no more excuses to keep my California residency. I guess it is time to let go - but I am not giving up my 714 area code!

Amen.

Things Work Out

“It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don’t worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. … If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers” (Jordan Utah South regional conference, priesthood session, 1 Mar. 1997).

Sunday Inspiration - Identity Crisis

I've been thinking recently about how we define our identities. What's the first thing you ask when you meet someone new? For me, it's usually, "What are you doing with your life?" And maybe that's a shallow question to ask, and it certainly is a shallow thing upon which to base one's identity. But I realized that the hardest thing about "pre-employment" is that I no longer have a good answer to that question. I could say, "Sleeping in," "Going to the pool," or "Baking everything I see on this blog," and I should say, "Looking for a job," but that is not nearly as satisfying to my ego than, "Finishing up my masters," or what I would like to say, "Starting this awesome job at _____." And yes, I get that the only wounded party here is my ego, and it could probably use the bruises, so this is most likely very good for me. It's just that, other than broccoli and peas, I usually dislike things that are good for me :)


I've realized, though, that I am happiest when my identity is based not on what I do but on who I am. In last April's General Conference, Elder Lynn G. Robbins said, "Identity confusion can also occur when we ask children what they want to be when they grow up, as if what a person does for a living is who he or she is. Neither professions nor possessions should define identity or self-worth. The Savior, for example, was a humble carpenter, but that hardly defined His life."

What a tragedy it would be to think of Jesus Christ as a carpenter, and not the Savior. And I know for a fact that when He looks at me He doesn't see an unemployed, frustrated job-seeker with nothing to show for her two degrees. He sees a daughter of God, a sister, a friend, a temple-goer, a baker of cookies for someone who had a bad day. And yes, a girl whose faith, hope, trust and patience can use some refining, and He's happy to oblige. But the lack of a job in no way lessens my worth, and when I do find one, it won't increase my worth in His eyes. My value was decided before birth, and fixed as Jesus Christ suffered in Gethsemane and on Calvary, and nothing I do or have - or don't - will alter that.